What's for Dinner?

If you know us, you know we are foodies. We love to try new restaurants, prepare new recipes, eat adventurously, and we love learning about (and trying!) the food of cultures other than our own. So much can be shared over a meal and there is so much joy that can come from preparing a meal for those you care about. During the early days of the pandemic when things felt uncertain for us all, we began to deeply understand what a privilege it is to have such a positive and healthy relationship with food. After all, not only do we enjoy food, but we’ve never experienced food insecurity. As you may expect, that is not a reality for many children who enter foster care.

Food insecurity can take many different forms. A family may not be able to afford or have access to food (or healthy food) and so food is limited or provides limited nutrition. A child may have experienced times where food was withheld as a punishment for the child’s behavior. There are a variety of other situations where access to food may be used by adults as a means of maintaining control or power. There are also the children who (like many folks both in and out of care) have learned to use food as coping/self-regulation strategy for trauma and difficult feelings. You can read some other examples of how food insecurity may manifest in a child’s behaviors via this link.

When a child enters foster care, foster parents can’t undo this trauma and insecurity by simply serving meals. There is a lot of trust that may need to be rebuilt when a child has experienced trauma related to food and nutrition. “When children are not fed reliably, have to compete for food, or do not get enough food, this leads to an anxious relationship and even a preoccupation with food. It can take weeks, months, and even years of reliable feeding for that trust in others and in their own bodies to build.” ¹

There are many seemingly small things that families can do to help kids in care to begin to develop trust and become less anxious about being able to have food to eat. The North American Council on Adoptable Children shares a list that we will be referring to as we begin our journey as foster parents. Here are some of the ones that stood out to me:

Tips to Reduce Food Anxiety

Create a home and family environment where everyone is valued and consistently sent messages that they are safe and cared for.

• Don’t shame them for foods they like or were served routinely. Try not to use words like “junk” or “crap.” Food isn’t inherently “good” or “bad” if it is consumed in a healthy way.

• Particularly if your child is of a different cultural or ethnic background, they may be missing familiar foods. Find out what they are used to eating and learn how to make or buy it.

• One caring adult eating with a child counts as a family meal.

• Offer reassurance: “There will always be enough food.”

• Always provide at least one food they are likely to eat. They need to feel that they can come to the table and their hunger will be satisfied.

• Invite children and teens to help cook and meal-plan. You can say, “We’re having chicken and lentils for dinner. Would you like cornbread or tater-tots with that?” Resist the urge to argue or pressure, even if they refuse food they chose.

• Serve foods family-style so a child can serve themselves and feel more in control. This also stops battles that begin when a pre-plated meal is served to the child who might erupt over something on his plate.

• Modify family-style if shared serving bowls increases anxiety or conflict between siblings. This might look like adults putting half a cup of taco meat and three taco shells on each plate and allowing children to serve themselves unlimited beans, lettuce, and rice.

We will be working to incorporate these and many other tips into our new routines as we welcome children into our home. Feeding two more at every meal (and snack time!) will be a new experience for us! I mentioned last week that we bought a deep freezer! This past weekend, my best friend and I prepared lots of meals (and lots of cookie dough) so that food preparation can be one less thing we have to think about. Now we have plenty of room for our “foodie” meals that we’ll introduce kids to as well as many nutritious-but-familiar foods kids may enjoy.

Its a cold snowy day here in Iowa and I’ll probably cook something warm and cozy for Chase and I to enjoy for lunch. In the same way I know which foods Chase and I find comforting and tasty, I look forward to learning the same about the kids in our care and I hope that in some small way we can help them feel our excitement and interest in all things culinary!

1. Healing from Food Insecurity: Beyond the Stash